Point of Reference Part II

Let me explain why I believe things aren't that much different today than they were in ancient Greece. Just like the Corinthian church we live in an overtly sexual culture with much gender confusion where broken people are telling us to do what makes us feel good. New Christians are coming out of lives lived in a way that reflects our culture. Maybe they come from homes where Godly parenting wasn't modeled, had divorced parents, or a dad who worked too much and never spent anytime showing love to his children. Or they've embraced all the sexual and gender confusion that our culture is spewing today and have decided there is more to lose by getting married than to just keep hooking up and having friends with benefits. This is why things are not so different today than they were so long ago. Unfortunately, this is what the American Church will be dealing with today and in the future.

We no longer live in an America where the majority of people live with Christian values as their foundation even if they aren't Christians. We don't live in an America where people have a pretty clear understanding of right and wrong. America used to be a place where people went to church because it was a "good thing" to do and people wanted to have those "values" instilled in their children. Today this is no longer the view and because of that the worldview and value systems of people who are coming to the Lord today are so warped that it is going to take a total reprogramming of their mind and heart. Paul speaks of this in Romans 12: 1-2.

The process of renewing your mind begins after you say "yes" to Jesus. The rest of your life is a process of maturation/sanctification as a follower of Jesus. It means putting off your old ways and embracing the Holy Spirit who is shaping and changing you into the person God wants you to be. But there is a problem, this new life and what it means to follow Christ is foreign to us. So when the going gets tough we revert back to the old us, the old me. We behave and think the way we used to before Christ. I believe one of the reasons we do this is because many Christians today have no point of reference that life can be different or better, or that they can make this choice instead of that choice. I see young Christians date non Christians because they've never been in a relationship with another Christian man or women. They don't know what it's like, so they settle for something that is less than what could be because it's the only thing they've ever known. They will settle for sub-par marriages because they don't know that it could be the safest, strongest, happiest, and most sexually passionate place imaginable. They've never seen another way modeled for them. They just see all the divorce and despair in marriage and think it's normal so their expectations aren't really high and when things get tough they jump ship like the everyone else in our culture does. They do this because they've never seen a married couple struggle through hard things in their marriage and come out the other side in better shape than before.

I pray that someday my cousin will write a book about his marriage because he and his wife spent pretty much 3 of their first 4 years of marriage separated. I'll never do their story justice, but they stuck it out, worked hard, cried, prayed, sweated, and clung to the hope that their marriage could one day work. Today it is working and they are expecting their first child this month. I hope people close to them were watching them fight for their marriage.

I consider myself fortunate to have parents who gutted out a really hard period in their marriage. When the family farm split up it split up not only the farm but entire side of my dad's family. This happened nearly 20 years ago and we're still trying to heal from the serious hurt and brokenness of that event. But my parents marriage nearly split in the process as well. I was young enough to not really know that their marriage was in trouble, but it was a few years later talking to my dad about it that he shared how hard that time was and how committed he was to his marriage to my mom even though it was painful to be around each other for long periods of time. His resolve to keep it together and model something different to his children was strong and because of that I now have a different point of reference in my life for my marriage.

Point of references are not limited to marriage, but found in all walks of life. Remember the teenage orphan boy in Florida who went to church to find a family? That kid is one in a million. Not many people who've been in the "system" all their lives have the ability to see that life could be different and better than what it is. Thankfully today more than 10,000 families have inquired about adopting him. This young man could have believed the lies that the evil one whispers in his ear, "You're not good enough, no one could love you, you'll never amount to anything". But how many of us listen to Satan telling us to bail on our marriage, compromise our sexuality, downplay our worth, or quit on our kids? The list could go on and on.

These are the lies we believe when we have no hope and when we have never seen something different modeled in our lives. It is the responsibility of every mature Jesus follower to model a Christ-like life to younger believers. They need to see strong marriages, people who are not confused sexually as our culture is, love their children, and don't just go with the flow of societal thought. We must do this because if mature Christians won't, then we'll continue to have churches full of people who are the like the Corinthian church; people who love Jesus but have no point of reference and live their lives as such.

It's a beautiful process to be part of what the Holy Spirit is doing in another person, but it is also challenging because someone's growth isn't linear it's more of a zigzag line that jumps all over the place both forward and backward and up and down. Be patient, show compassion, and love them much as they navigate their way out of their "old" life and into their new lives. Be ready to cry, celebrate, encourage,correct, and be silent when needed, as they carve out this new way of life that is foreign to them. Over time it won't be foreign but familiar. And familiar will become who they are and then they will be able to replicate it to the next generation of young believers who need a point of reference that their lives too can be different.  Paul says this is what happens to us when we face trials in life that we persevere through in Romans 5: 3-6. Small victories in character formation produce hope and that hope sustains us as we work through changing our worldview from darkness to light. These trials produce perseverance, and perseverance produces proven character and proven character produces hope and hope doesn't disappoint because while we were sinners Christ died for us. One of the signs of Christian maturity is that you're living a life that shows others that our lives can be different thus giving them a new point of reference. Modeling something different that honors God is one of the best ways to give glory to God. And when God's glory is on display for all to see lives are changed and I want to be a part of that. Don't You?

Point of Reference Part 1.

From 2002 to 2004 Jen and I were missionaries to Oradea Romania. We worked with a wonderful ministry that placed abandoned Romanian orphans into homes with house parents who became parents to those children until they graduated. We worked with the dairy farm that was across the road from the 8 or so houses that the children lived in. Our job was to teach and train the Romanian workers in modern dairy farming practices.

We encountered many challenging things as we tried to work with the workers and train them in modern dairy farming practices. What became clear to Jen and I was that the Romanians point of reference of dairy farming was having 1 or 2 cows in the back yard that you sent out to pasture everyday and in turn received about a gallon of milk that they would harvest via hand milking. So for them, using automated equipment, following a breeding program, feeding fermented forages, and working with tractors, was quite the culture shock to them. Typically Jen and I would be the only people experiencing culture shock, but the farm became a point of culture shock to the workers as well. The farm was unique and unlike anything any of them had ever seen before let alone worked on. And quite honestly there were no dairy farms like this anywhere in the area and quite possibly the country. In short they lacked a point of reference that dairy farming could be different than their 1 cow in the back yard experience afforded them.

The fledgling Corinthian church that Paul writes to in the New Testament has a point of reference problem as well. The church was full of young followers of Jesus who were living in a city that was very cosmopolitan for that day. Every kind of belief, religion, trade, sexual practice, and philosophy was present in that culture. It was a smart city with a good economy due to trade. It became a melting pot for all sorts of people with all sorts of backgrounds that blended together to form a very "enlightened" culture that lacked a clear understanding of moral rights and wrongs.

Paul addresses these new church followers who are asking him, "Look, we love Jesus and have received him as Lord and Savior, but now what?" "We've been living a certain way for so long that we don't know another way is possible and if another way is possible, we don't even know what that looks like".

So Paul spends the book of 1 Corinthians addressing some of their issues like sexual immorality, law suites against each other, pride, and Christian marriage. He instructs them because their new lives needed to now be counter cultural to the way they had been living before they became Christians.

In short, just like the Romanians we worked with, the Corinthians lacked a point of reference that life could be different than what they were used to. They had never seen or experienced a different way than the way they had always known.

Having points of reference are quite useful in everyday life. Without points of reference we guess at how things might be different than they are. What life could look like becomes more of an abstract idea as opposed to a concrete idea. If a different life stays in the abstract, real change won't happen because the concept doesn't seem like it could be real. It will remain a fantasy, a "Pie-in-the-sky" kind of thing that only exists in fantasy land. The Corinthian Christians are not that much different than people coming to faith in Christ today. Thankfully there is hope for today's new Christians, and that is what part II of this blog will be about. 

Musical Excellence

In the wake of Miley Cyrus' destruction I wanted to address pop music and its lack of, for a better word, "music". As a matter of fact it was news to me that the VMA's were even on. Doesn't that stand for video music awards? Do music videos even exist anymore? So here's how I look at music in terms of excellence: vocal presentation, creativity, emotional involvement (goose bump effect), lyrics, story, , presentation, and harmony, harmony, harmony.

Pop music that is on the radio today is terrible. The only redeeming excellence aspect of it is that these artists have found a brilliant way to market mediocrity.

Here's what I mean. Most of these artists can't sing in public unless they can have someone there to synthesize their voice. They don't tell much of a compelling story and lyrically and emotionally they don't move you. The only emotional involvement you feel is the beat of the song. There is little to no harmony, but tons of creativity/marketing, because how else are they going to sell their "music"?

As Rob Gordon says in High Fidelity "Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" My answer to that is "Yes".

So my goal is not to bash pop music, but to encourage you to seek out more excellent music. This can take many forms. I don't really listen to country music, but I love Toby Keith, Garth Brooks, and Brad Paisley. These guys sang/wrote some very unique songs that required some creativity and guts to do. Toby Keith and his patriotic songs and red solo cup, Garth's friends in low places, Paisley's "Celebrity" song. Incredibly creative musicians, I'm sure there are others and I would love to hear about them.

As far as pure quality of harmony you must give Barbershop music a shot. Four part mens harmony is without peer when sung well. There are cords and harmonies that the majority of musicians and non musicians have never heard. Take a listen to one of the best quartets of all time singing "Tonight Tonight" from West Side Story. Don't mind the mullet. Not Excellent. And if you can't bring yourself to listen to the entire song, just go to the 1:40 mark and listen to the chord progression and change.

The second song you must listen to is them singing a rendition of The Beatles "Blackbird". Once again if you can't listen to the whole thing just pick it up at the 1:45 mark and be amazed till the end of the song.

When Whitney Houston died last year the world lost one of the greatest voices ever. If you don't believe me, just watch some of her videos on You Tube. I think I spent a good day or so online watching her sing. It was her voice that made the songs what they were. I get goosebumps thinking about her voice. To be cliche, she could sing the phone book and I'd listen. Barbra Streisand and Glee's Lea Michele are unbelievable as well. Barbra and Lea lead me to my next thought: GO TO A BROADWAY SHOW!!! The music and voices are unbelievable and without effects.

In regards to Worship music at church. The songs that move me to tears and cause me to be unable to sing them are the hymns many grew up singing. The vast majority of the contemporary worship music today doesn't come close to the messages and lyrics or musicality of the old hymns. I'm not talking about singing them with an organ either. When done with a full band, hymns are incredible. I remember being at the chapel services at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary where they only sang hymns. But something amazing happens when you have a full chapel of people singing their hearts out in four part harmony. God has to be smiling not only at the worship but also at the ear candy that it is. Not all hymns are excellent nor is all contemporary worship not excellent. (Disclaimer: God doesn't care what we praise Him with, just that we do it.) Look up the words to some of the greatest hymns sometime: It Is Well With My Soul, How Great Thou Art, Be Thou My Vision, Amazing Grace, Crown Him With Many Crowns, and others. Modern versions of some great hymns are crazy good, like Jesus Paid It All and Before The Throne. One Contemporary song that I believe is excellent is "Revelation song". But I've decided that if you have to use the word "Everyday" in a worship song then the author is not being creative enough.

Anyone watch "The Sing-Off" before it was cancelled? This show combined some of the best music, creativity, musicality, harmony, vocal presentation, and emotional involvement all in one place. The group that won the last season, Pentatonix, were the best of the 3 seasons winners. Watch the video and see if you don't get goosebumps, and by the way I don't really like the original song that much. These guys are just that excellent. The song starts at the 1:45 mark.

Oh yeah, and the one dude in Pentatonix did this on his cello. Unreal.

All of this is simply my opinion and preference. After all my blog is called demand excellence. So why waste time on mediocrity or even below average entertainment. Again everyone, help me out and point out who and what I've missed.

Be Like Jesus Disconnect

Not sure where I start this conversation this morning. For the last few years I've been part of a body of believers that has been very heavily focused on the life of Jesus. This is a good thing. What has transpired is this massive call by church leadership to live a life like Jesus lived. We are to, in the words of the Message Bible, be like Jesus and "move into the neighborhood". Outstanding concept, instead of asking people to come be like us (at church) we need to go and be with them where they are and take Jesus to them. An awesome and completely biblical approach. It makes sense because Jesus moved and lived and mingled with the outcasts, the poor, the sick, the riff raff. He loved people where they were, he healed the sick, fed thousands, gave sight to the blind and showed how much He values children. He got in with the people, got his hands dirty and showed people they were valuable and didn't condemn them the way the Pharisees did. The church has done a much better job in recent years of compelling people to live a life that mimics Christ's.


"So where's the disconnect that my title suggests", you may ask? It is a recognition of a disconnect between what Jesus did during his years of ministry and what he did at Calvary when He died on the cross for you and me. I believe that the church has, unintentionally, made His death and resurrection a separate thing from the way He lived his life.


In fact I'd say that His death and resurrection were a continuation of his ministry on earth and are not separate things. What I'm not saying, is that we are to die and be resurrected, but we are to obedient as Christ was even to suffer unto death. He was modeling obedience to His Father.

But another important thing is going on with Jesus' life on earth. He's showing us a new way to be human. He's literally demonstrating how and what we are to be like and what we will be like in the age to come. When he hung on the cross it was customary for the accused to call down the wrath of God on their torturers. But Jesus didn't do that. He said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". You didn't find him teaching that in a sermon, but demonstrating to us a new way to be human.

If a Christ-like life is what we are to attain to then we cannot separate His earthy ministry from His obedience to the point of death. Jesus was teaching us, as I said above, a new way to be human. It is a more perfect way, a holy way, the way he intended us to be from the beginning. It is right for us to strive for this new "human" way that Jesus showed us. His obedience unto death is a key for us to understand. Paul grabbed that cue and ran with it. Paul figured out what Jesus meant when he said "follow me". Paul was present, he watched how Jesus functioned and moved and interacted. He also had some special divine revelation as well. But if you read about Paul and the letters that he wrote to the churches you'll see a guy who is saying "If you want your life to look like Christ's this is what it's going to take and this is what it's going to look like if you want it to happen."  His letter to the Romans highlights what we seriously need to remember about how to become Christ-like.

 Romans 5:3-5

³ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Just like Jesus, who suffered and died, Paul is saying that we must suffer in order to persevere and from that perseverance we gain character and from that character, hope. Paul gets it. In fact he's pretty much saying this is the way it must be done in order for us to become like Christ. We'd all love a step program for becoming like Christ, and Paul gives us one. Paul's life actually takes this path, in fact is probably because of this path that he says, "this is the way". Take a look at what he went through in his life to make his claims.       2 Corinthians 11:16 - 33

What is all this pointing to, suffering. Jesus suffered because of his obedience. Paul suffered because of his obedience. Jesus was showing us a new way to be human. Paul took up his own cross and followed Jesus and his Christ-like character was formed via his suffering. The fully "new human" way of living produces good fruit, or as the bible calls them, the Fruit of the Spirit. Paul speaks of this fruit in Galatians 5, they are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. These are the attributes of a fully formed Christian character. This is what a new "human" looks like, and it cannot be fully formed without us suffering. We can't fully become who Jesus created us to be and who he is changing us into without suffering. 

Maybe I'm a little off track with the title of "Be Like Jesus Disconnect", but I titled it this way because it's important that we don't disconnect the Jesus who valued the outcast and served people from the Jesus who suffered unto death for our sins. His actions are all the same act for him, they aren't separate things. It's all part of his obedience to his father. It's imperative for us to be like Jesus, not just when our neighbor needs help, but when we must stand in opposition to our culture. So when the church says to be like Jesus, it doesn't just mean that we care for the poor, it also means we are to suffer for His sake and it's from this suffering that makes us like Jesus.

God determines our needs

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus".

I was listening to the radio the other day and the host of the show told a story about a man who traveled from town to town preaching the gospel. He took nothing with him but relied on the kindness of people for a place to stay and for food to eat. Upon entering one town he had no place to sleep and no place to eat, so he slept on a park bench and went hungry for the night. He meditated on Philippians 4:19 and came to the conclusion that God determined that he "needed" a good starving for the night.

I sat in my car in utter disbelief at those words. Wow, how crazy is it that God would be the determiner of our needs and not us. I know for a fact that as Americans we read that verse and immediately conclude that God will provide our needs according to what we decide is a need and not Him. Don't we all do that? I know I have. If you don't believe me just think about what you think about when you read that verse. God will provide food and shelter and relative decent health or a job or enough money to pay the bills. That's what we do. In fact in America we have so much that we've gotten very Godly by shrinking our list of "needs" to just the basics - food, shelter, safety, etc... because we want to seem humble and show understanding for what the verse really says. Am I far off? I don't think so.

But if we really look at that verse and look around this world at some of the suffering that we see of God's people we have to wonder if we have our interpretation of that verse correct. I know I haven't had it right. We never look at our trials as "needs" in our lives. And yet God's plan for us is to become like His Son Jesus Christ, so he will do whatever he seems fit or is "needed" to transform us into the likeness of Him. If that means we go hungry for a night or a few days we must look for the transforming presence of God in it. If we go jobless, homeless, suffer ridicule at work, lose a loved one, suffer sickness, or have financial hardship we must look for God's hand in each situation because it transforms us more and more into His likeness. We'll never completely understand God's wisdom in what he does, but I rest assured that He is in control and that He loves me deeply, so deeply that he is working in every situation in my life to make me more into the vessel that He can use for his glory.

I searched to find the man in the story above but could not. But I will be forever indebted to him for bringing a new truth and a deeper understanding of God's word to me.

Well Said Sir.

Thank you Chris Broussard, of ESPN, when asked about his personal beliefs about whether you can be Christian and openly gay. I'm so glad a person of his public notoriety has spoken up for the truth. It's just sad he's taking a beating in the media for his beliefs specifically because he was asked about them. But the reality is is that the beating is exactly what it takes for us to mature as believers. Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope. These are Paul's words for how a person matures and becomes like Christ. So while it's a shame that he's taking a beating, he/we should "consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters^, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything". James 1: 2-4

Persecution and suffering are going to begin to become the norm as Christians began to clash with the thinking of our culture. We must be prepared and be ready to embrace that suffering for it produces a mature man and woman who lacks nothing. That should be good news. 

Kids Belong To Communities???

Just when you think that nothing can amaze and astonish you, along comes MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry. Apparently she thinks that parenting a child is not the sole responsibility of their parents. That kids belong to the community and that we'll be better off once we realize this.

We have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents or kids belong to their families, and recognize that kids belong to whole communities - Melissa Harris-Perry.

Isn't this part of the reason we got into the mess we're in today, because parents wanted the schools to do the parenting and not themselves? It's too bad a well educated person, it seems, would be so off base and out of touch with the truth.

Top Down Approach

I was talking to a friend today who asked me a very good question.

"Matt, where do you start looking when you are trying to come to a conclusion about this Same Sex Marriage thing, or anything other issue?"

Wow, glad you asked. At the end of the day my answer is the same of any issue, whether it's about marriage, sex, pornography, gambling, finances, parental roles, giving, whatever.

I said to him, "I start with a top down, big picture, 20,000ft view of what is going on in the Bible. What is the real story that is going on?"

I explained further, "You must understand what the Bible is about, who it's about, and why it's written to/for us."

The Bible is a book with one main character (God) and one main supporting character (man). Now I can go in a lot of directions from here, but I won't. That's for another day. But to continue our conversation.

"The Bible is about God and man. So a big picture approach to the Bible is to look at 1. What were we originally created for/to do? 2. Why? 3. What happened with sin? 4. What did God do about it? 5. What is our response? 6. And what is going to happen when we go home to be with Him someday. Essentially, What is all of this pointing toward?

He created us to reflect  His Glory to His creation and for us to reflect back to Him the praise and worship from his creation. He created us male and female and gave them both characteristics of him. The marriage of man and woman created an image of the invisible God to all of creation. We were created to be priests and rulers over God's new creation and bring it under our rule and authority. (But not in the way that we think of rule and authority today). That's the Why answer. Sin entered the picture and messed it all up. But even before it happened God had a redemption plan in place to restore things to the way they were and the way they are supposed to be. He did this through His son Jesus Christ and his death and resurrection on the cross. Even in our sin God works in unfathomable ways so that he gets the glory. By embracing Jesus as Lord and Savior, and that He rose from the dead we are now his heirs and His adopted children. But Paul goes on to say that the church (all people who proclaim Jesus is Lord) is like a bride and Jesus is the bridegroom. He uses the analogy to say that if you want to see a picture of Jesus and his relationship with His church, then look at a married couple. Sure, even happily married couples have flaws, but guess what, so does the "church" today. Warts and all He loves us and gave Himself up for us.

So, after we've said yes to Jesus, He is working in our hearts to change us into the people he created us to be in this life and the next. He's grooming us for the next life. We are to partner with Him to bring about his kingdom which is here and now and prepare for the coming of His Kingdom which is not yet. Let me say this again, He is changing us, redeeming us, molding us into the people He originally created us to be, before the fall. He's putting things back in order and he's allows us and expects us to be a part of the journey.  We are to participate in the Kingdom that is now in preparation for the Kingdom that is to come.

When we go home to be with Him we will experience no more sorrow or tears, no pain or suffering, we will have new bodies that won't fall apart or breakdown. He's redeeming us and putting everything back the way it was supposed to be. And we will worship and praise Him for it. All glory be to our God and Father. Amen.

So, back to the question that we started with. "Where do I start any issue from?" It's with the beginning and end in mind. The Bible starts with a marriage and ends with a marriage in Revelation. The big picture allows me to filter all sorts of information then.

We can get lost trying to figure out if alcohol is a sin, or what being modestly dressed means. Same goes for trying to understand issues like marriage, sexuality, Same Sex Marriage, pornography and so on.  If you only spend time down at ground level you're going to end up confused. Don't start trying to understand your faith from the ground up. Get big picture and work your way down. Start with who we were originally created to be and end with the understanding that God is going to put all back together the way He originally planned. It's a lot easier to answer the other questions in life when we understand that. 

Speak Out Boldly and Confidently

Speak up, don't be afraid.

It's time for Christians to stop defending themselves as being intolerant and focus on what is actually happening. We can't be distracted from what is actually going on in our culture and at the SCOTUS today. We must speak up for truth and what is right. Don't be timid, don't be afraid, don't let the "intolerance" rhetoric stop you from standing up for what is good and right and honorable. We were not given a spirit of fear or timidity, but given a spirit of power, love, and self discipline. Jesus says do not fear those who can kill body but not the soul. Fear Him who is able to destroy both body and soul in Hell. Look toward the future, the promises of God await those who seek him.

American Christians today are weak when it comes to standing up for what is right. We shrink away from confrontation. I'm not advocating physical altercations, but I'm saying get off the sidelines on the issues at the forefront of society today. Get in the game, speak truth in love, extend grace, but not at the expense of truth. Put your pads on and say something. If you want to change the world then you're going to have to say something, if not your silence says volumes.

Let me explain the logic and reasoning of the vast majority of Americans who support Gay marriage (this includes Christians). The thinking goes like this, "I don't care what they do. They don't bother me, I don't bother them. If they love someone, I don't care if they want to marry them." That's it. That's as far as the conversation in their head goes. Uh, Houston, we have a problem.

Most people in our society haven't critically thought about this issue. They just plain haven't and do you know how you can prove this? If the topic comes up, see if the conversation gets past the reasons I stated above. Then once that's said, you say your piece about your position on SSM. If they accuse you of being intolerant or insensitive or traditional then you have your answer. It then moves from an intellectual argument to one of emotion and feeling. That's not an argument, it's a tantrum that we as Christians must recognize and avoid defending ourselves as people who aren't intolerant or traditional, or insensitive.

The trouble with too many Christians is that they haven't thought the issue through either, so they give up the discussion once they are labeled intolerant. Jesus followers get into your Bible, read, read, read. That's the only way you're going to be able grasp the magnitude of this issue fully. Think with the mind that Christ has given you. "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming." Ephesians 4:14

If you want somewhere to start on this issue, read this...
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/07/19/gay-is-not-the-new-black/

Flat Tires

I'm in sales and work out of my home. The other day I was sitting in my office talking to a customer when I had to pause the conversation due to one of my kids interrupting me. I told my customer that Jen was out running some errands. He proceeded to ask me if I was "babysitting" the kids. I laughed and sort of blew it off. Then the other night, Jen and I had a conversation about our roles and I realized that maybe the way we view our responsibilities in our home are vastly different than what our culture says is acceptable or the norm. It was that realization that brings me back to my customer's question, his question signifies a change in our culture as to the roles of husbands and wives. So what is different?

A babysitter is someone who cares for the kids when the parents are not at home. They are not responsible for teaching children right from wrong or how to clean their rooms. I should never view or treat my time alone with my kids as if I'm babysitting them. They are my kids and I am not their babysitter. But the "babysitter" attitude is what I hear from many men today when they reference being alone with their children. Something is wrong here and it's not just the view that husbands are babysitters, it also has to do with the way husbands love or don't love their wives with their children watching.

I heard a friend give an analogy about the way we and our society begin to accept things that are really unacceptable. He said imagine a time when all cars drove around on flat tires. As inefficient as flat tires are, if everyone drives around on flat tires long enough eventually it will start to become normal and no one will seem to think anything is wrong. Flat tires are the new norm. I think husbands who don't share the parenting responsibilities and care for the health of their wives are flat tires. Delinquent fathers are the norm. I believe the bar is set so low for husbands these days that since flat tires are the norm it's easier to hide in the crowd than it is to put some air in your tires. The bar is low because I don't believe most men believe it is their responsibility to provide an environment that contributes positively to their wives' health.

 

Ephesians 5 talks about how a husband and wife are to reflect the relationship of Christ and his bride, the church. The husband is supposed to love his wife like he loves his own body. He doesn't neglect his body but feeds it and cares for it just as Christ does the church. So if you neglect your wife's needs you are neglecting your own body. Which explains why the bar must be raised.


If your wives stay home or work and then come home and "work", they are going to need a break. They need to be alone, with other women, out for a cup of coffee, at the gym, on a shopping trip, or taking a nap. Maybe all of that in one day. Husbands generally seem to have more freedom to do the things they want than their wives, so we must make margin in our lives to encourage them to do this. I don't know too many husbands who disagree with this, but how many times do they leave the home without you copping an attitude about when she'll be home or showing some sort of frustration at having to watch your children by yourself for a small amount of time? In the words of Mike Golic, "Stop it".

Husbands, get over yourselves, it's not that bad, you're a dad, you signed up for this when you had kids. Be a man, grow a set, and take pleasure in that fact that you are serving your wife in a way that she'll deeply appreciate. Show your children something that their classmates may never see.

I've always said I have the easy job, I get to go to work everyday. My wife has the hard job of being with the kids all day. Even if she works outside the home, she needs time to recharge. You must give that to her, without attitude or any sign that you are unhappy or not okay with her getting away. By showing that attitude you rob her of the benefits of being able to recharge. Shame on us.

While she's out being refreshed and rejuvenated, clean up the kitchen, pick up the toys, unload and load the dishwasher, give the kids a bath, and make the house a better place than it was when she left. She's going to be more likely to accept your offer to go out or take a nap if she knows that she'll not have more work when she gets up or comes home. If you function as a flat tire she'll not enjoy being away because she knows she'll have more work when she gets home or wakes up. Make an effort because she'll appreciate it and so might you later on. :)

It is unacceptable for married men to shirk their parenting responsibilities as well as their responsibilities to their wives because it's easier to be a flat tire than a fully functional air filled tire. Watch out because your kids will see you as a flat tire and think that is normal, and if they grow up thinking flat tires are normal you can bet that when they have their own families they'll function like flat tires too. Let's raise the low bar that society has set for being husbands and fathers and show our children what it means to love our wives and what it looks like to be a real man. Demand excellence from yourselves and it will pay positive dividends that will last for generations.

Which Lens Do You Look Through?

My, my, how things have changed in the world we live in . I'm speaking specifically to the United States of America, American churches, and American Christians. Back when President Clinton was in office, the mid and late 90's, he signed into law the defense of marriage act. In just over a decade things have changed drastically. In fact it wasn't that long ago that President Obama's stance on marriage was "evolving". Now today he is poised to throw open the social flood gates of this country through his stance on same sex marriage. Some churches are doing the same and others are considering joining up as well.

These issues are not going away but I'm not going to address the cultural/political issues here. My charge in this post is to address how people who claim Jesus as Lord think.

If you claim Jesus as Lord of your life, you are now entering a point in history where your point of view is not shared by the majority of people and in some parts of the country only a relatively small minority of people share it. Gone are the days where your neighbor's worldview was the same as yours. So my question to you, "Christians," is What Lens Do You Look At Life Through?

The people you come together to worship the Lord with on the weekends don't often hold the same worldview as the person sitting next to them or in front of them. I'm not saying we all must have the exact same thoughts, but they don't see life from the same lens. When I say lens, I mean that they don't project their life from a Christian worldview standpoint. They may be born again Jesus followers but they do not understand Jesus or the Bible to the point that they think, believe, and act from a biblical perspective. This is why I asked the question about which lens you look out of.

Let me explain what I mean. As a follower of Jesus I must look at everything in life through the lens of the bible and then interpret what I see in life and filter it through the scriptures. So I begin believing the bible is the authority on all things and then work from there trying to understand how to respond to situations, people, and issues. But what I see in the American church today is people who claim Jesus but look to the bible for justification for what they believe about life, society, relationships, politics, etc... If they can't find the justification then they distort the scriptures to make them fit what they want to believe. What they do is assume that something they believe is true or acceptable or our culture says is right and then try to figure out how to wrap the bible around what they believe to be true. The lens they work from is what our culture has taught them rather than what the bible has to say.

Herein lies the problem, once you say "yes" to Jesus you are a new creation, the old things are gone the new has come. (1 Cor. 5:17) We cannot stay the same, we must as Paul said in Romans 12: 2, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will".

Paul says we must change the way we think. We must change the way we view life, we must change the lens through which we look through. The life that comes after you've said yes to Jesus is a life that is in preparation for life with Him in eternity. It is a life that He has called us to participate in. But it is so much more than just preparation for eternity. Jesus spoke about His kingdom in the future, but He also spoke about His Kingdom that is now. We are to usher in that kingdom with him. We are to love and care for people on the margins of society, and to help heal the hurts of this life and move people towards how we were originally created. We are to point people back to the way things were supposed to be and remind them that those things will come again at Christ's return. Romans 8: 29 says that "... he predestined us to be conformed to the likeness of his Son". Becoming like Christ is what is to be going on now and will continue until we go home to Him. So it matters how we view this world. It matters how we think and believe. 

Unfortunately people aren't the only ones with this approach, many churches have adopted the same kind of thinking and reasoning. Except the greater calamity of the church, is that they have exchanged a biblical lens for a cultural one. They are changing positions on issues like homosexuality, same sex marriage, living together before marriage, sex before marriage, evolution, and so on. (An example would be a message on creation and evolution that was presented through the science/evolutionary lens with the bible then wrapped around it, rather than through a biblical lens with the science wrapped around it.) When this happens in churches it is scary because they have begun to forsake Biblical truth in an effort to gains man's approval (Gal. 1: 10). It's scary because people come to church looking for answers to these issues or subjects and the answers they receive confirms what culture says. This corrupts the average believer because unless they figure things out on their own they'll continue to believe it because the church said so. This is a serious failure on the churches part and they will one day have to answer for leading people astray.

Churches today have a handy cover story that they use to justify their position; it's called love and that Jesus loved and accepted everyone so we should do the same. The problem is that the person of God doesn't change and things like justice and personal holiness  and righteousness are expected as well as love and other things. Jesus told people he demanded more. Read the new testament if you don't believe me. He never left someone they way He found them. There was always a command or an expectation to "Go and sin no more".

As a follower of Jesus everything in life is looked at through the lens of the bible. It is impossible to separate your beliefs from the issues of this life. For example, the election in November was an exercise in worldview, as stated by Albert Mohler. And there are Christians who say they can separate politics from their beliefs. They lie to themselves if they believe this, because a person can only have one core belief system, there isn't room for two. This isn't about Republican or Democrat it's about where you project your life from and the lens that you look at life from. You can't separate how you believe from how you respond to anything in life, including an election.

It's a scary thing to think about how our culture has changed, and I believe it will shape the American churches for years to come. As American Christians we haven't been challenged to understand why we believe what we believe. We just believe, because that's what most of America believes. But not anymore. If we don't come to grips with Biblical truth and the reality of what our culture is saying is acceptable, we will be washed away like so many individuals and churches have in the stream of moral relativism. If we don't recognize that Jesus expects our minds to be transformed and not conformed to the patterns of this world then we'll continue to accept things in our lives and our churches that are in direct opposition to him. We'll make our God smaller and smaller until He isn't big enough to do anything anymore. (We can't actually change God, He doesn't change) But the God we will convey to others is small and weak and isn't worth following. As followers of Jesus are we going to own our faith and begin to look at things through the lens of the bible and transform our minds or are we going to continue to look through the lens of our culture, not change the way we think, and then try to wrap the bible and our faith around it?

Vending Machine Jesus

A few weeks ago I was reading a book by N.T. Wright titled "After You Believe: Why Christian Character Matters". I've not finished the book yet but the basic premise of it says that we are saved for a purpose and what we do from the time we place our faith in Jesus till the time we die, matters. It matters very much.

A few weeks back the pastor was talking about treating God like a vending machine in our prayer life. He was dead on, as far I'm concerned, because it seems like that's how we treat Him. Deposit coin, God help me with..., deposit coin, God get me this job..., and so on and so forth. Now I want to say that these prayers are perfectly fine, however, if this is the only way we go to God in prayer then we do treat Him as a spiritual vending machine.

Now there are a ton of reasons that people who are way smarter than me have come up with to explain this. Entire books have been written about it. So why am I going to tackle it? Because I think I have a different idea about why some of us might do this. I'll begin with a portion of Wright's book.

"...part of the problem is that for many centuries Christians have assumed that virtually the only point in Jesus's death was 'to save us from our sins,'...But for the gospels themselves, that rescue of individuals (which of course remains a central element) is designed to serve a larger purpose: God's purpose, the purpose of God's kingdom. And in God's kingdom human beings are rescued, are delivered from their sin, in order to take their place (as Jesus already called the disciples to take theirs) not only as receivers of God's forgiveness and new life, but also as agents of it."

"...for Paul the whole point of the achievement of Jesus and his death and resurrection is that, through Jesus, a redeemed people has come to birth, and that through this people the creator will ultimately set the whole world to rights." 1 Cor. 5: 17 and Gal. 6: 15 come to mind in reference to new creations.

Now for my original thoughts about God the vending machine. The American church has spent a considerable amount of time focusing on communicating love to its congregations and the people they are trying to minister to. God is love after all as 1 John 4: 8 says. All of this is absolutely true. When people continue to hear over and over again how much God loves us and that he died for us and that he wants what is best for us, our sinful nature, I believe, begins to twist these amazing truths. How so? I think somehow being told over and over again that God loves us so much that He died for us we start to believe that God exists for our purposes and not us for His. Like He created us so He could serve us. In someway we start to look at God like He's hanging around waiting for us to ask him to do something for us.

Another reason I believe we treat God this way is because only one side of the salvation story is told. The salvation story is often told like this; God created man in His image, man sinned and it corrupted all of mankind because of that sin, sin is what separates us from God, we can't get to God with our own efforts, God loves us so much that He sent His son Jesus to be a ransom for sin, Jesus never sinned and was therefore a lamb worthy of paying for our sins, His death and resurrection means that once we place our faith in Jesus we no longer have to pay for the sins that separate from God. Jesus died so we wouldn't have to, end of story. And that is often where the salvation message ends with people.

And then this is how we start to think: How nice of God to love us that much, how important must we be if God sacrificed His own son on our behalf. I must be really important because God loved me that much. So since God loves me that much He must want what is best for me, so I can ask anything of Him and He'll grant it to me. I'm saved now, I'm good to go. What I do after this doesn't matter. Do you see how this thinking can start to happen?

Wright does a wonderful job of helping us to understand the other side of the salvation story. God does love us in a crazy sort of way, He loves us with the plan that we are delivered and declared not guilty so that we can help usher in His kingdom that is now. We can't help usher in His kingdom when we are still separated from God by our sins. We are saved for His purposes. What we do with our lives from the day we decide to follow Jesus till the day we die matters.

I have 4 children and I've been telling them about Jesus and how He died for our sins so we won't have to pay for them. The scary thing is that I'm telling them something that is true, but I've realized I'm only telling part of the story to them. I personally love the fact that I get to help usher in the kingdom of God that is here and now. That I get to be are part of God's transforming work on this earth as it is today. That every time a person turns from sin they are getting a glimpse of how God created us to be originally before the fall and how we will be after He returns. I must tell my children and others that when you accept Jesus as Lord you were saved to be part of His kingdom that is here and now, not just so that we don't have to pay for our sins. It is the reward that we are promised that motivates us to love others and tell others about Jesus... so that they can be part of the reward that is motivating us to tell them about Him.

This is good news and a truth that I want to be a part of. It's important for us to communicate this truth to people about why we were saved. My kids are now starting to understand this. I'm happy for that. Now, do I believe that because they are starting to understand this that they won't treat God like a vending machine, no, but I believe that if we elevate and only speak about one aspect of the person of God that we begin to distort the immensity of who He is and wants to be for us. Specifically I'm saying that God's love has been or can be elevated above other characteristics of Him. God is love, but he is so much more and demands so much more. (1 Peter and Leviticus says "Be holy for I am Holy) I'm not trying to lower the love of God, but what I am saying is that God has bigger plans for us and his kingdom and that everything is about Him. Love is His instrument that He has given us to use for the ushering in of His here and now kingdom. Love is not the end of the story, it is the beginning and it is what transforms us into vessels that He can use to transform others. When we realize this truth we can begin to stop treating God like a vending machine and more like the Lord that He is.