I'm in sales and work out of my home. The other day I was sitting in my office talking to a customer when I had to pause the conversation due to one of my kids interrupting me. I told my customer that Jen was out running some errands. He proceeded to ask me if I was "babysitting" the kids. I laughed and sort of blew it off. Then the other night, Jen and I had a conversation about our roles and I realized that maybe the way we view our responsibilities in our home are vastly different than what our culture says is acceptable or the norm. It was that realization that brings me back to my customer's question, his question signifies a change in our culture as to the roles of husbands and wives. So what is different?
A babysitter is someone who cares for the kids when the parents are not at home. They are not responsible for teaching children right from wrong or how to clean their rooms. I should never view or treat my time alone with my kids as if I'm babysitting them. They are my kids and I am not their babysitter. But the "babysitter" attitude is what I hear from many men today when they reference being alone with their children. Something is wrong here and it's not just the view that husbands are babysitters, it also has to do with the way husbands love or don't love their wives with their children watching.
I heard a friend give an analogy about the way we and our society begin to accept things that are really unacceptable. He said imagine a time when all cars drove around on flat tires. As inefficient as flat tires are, if everyone drives around on flat tires long enough eventually it will start to become normal and no one will seem to think anything is wrong. Flat tires are the new norm. I think husbands who don't share the parenting responsibilities and care for the health of their wives are flat tires. Delinquent fathers are the norm. I believe the bar is set so low for husbands these days that since flat tires are the norm it's easier to hide in the crowd than it is to put some air in your tires. The bar is low because I don't believe most men believe it is their responsibility to provide an environment that contributes positively to their wives' health.
Ephesians 5 talks about how a husband and wife are to reflect the relationship of Christ and his bride, the church. The husband is supposed to love his wife like he loves his own body. He doesn't neglect his body but feeds it and cares for it just as Christ does the church. So if you neglect your wife's needs you are neglecting your own body. Which explains why the bar must be raised.
If your wives stay home or work and then come home and "work", they are going to need a break. They need to be alone, with other women, out for a cup of coffee, at the gym, on a shopping trip, or taking a nap. Maybe all of that in one day. Husbands generally seem to have more freedom to do the things they want than their wives, so we must make margin in our lives to encourage them to do this. I don't know too many husbands who disagree with this, but how many times do they leave the home without you copping an attitude about when she'll be home or showing some sort of frustration at having to watch your children by yourself for a small amount of time? In the words of Mike Golic, "Stop it".
Husbands, get over yourselves, it's not that bad, you're a dad, you signed up for this when you had kids. Be a man, grow a set, and take pleasure in that fact that you are serving your wife in a way that she'll deeply appreciate. Show your children something that their classmates may never see.
I've always said I have the easy job, I get to go to work everyday. My wife has the hard job of being with the kids all day. Even if she works outside the home, she needs time to recharge. You must give that to her, without attitude or any sign that you are unhappy or not okay with her getting away. By showing that attitude you rob her of the benefits of being able to recharge. Shame on us.
While she's out being refreshed and rejuvenated, clean up the kitchen, pick up the toys, unload and load the dishwasher, give the kids a bath, and make the house a better place than it was when she left. She's going to be more likely to accept your offer to go out or take a nap if she knows that she'll not have more work when she gets up or comes home. If you function as a flat tire she'll not enjoy being away because she knows she'll have more work when she gets home or wakes up. Make an effort because she'll appreciate it and so might you later on. :)
It is unacceptable for married men to shirk their parenting responsibilities as well as their responsibilities to their wives because it's easier to be a flat tire than a fully functional air filled tire. Watch out because your kids will see you as a flat tire and think that is normal, and if they grow up thinking flat tires are normal you can bet that when they have their own families they'll function like flat tires too. Let's raise the low bar that society has set for being husbands and fathers and show our children what it means to love our wives and what it looks like to be a real man. Demand excellence from yourselves and it will pay positive dividends that will last for generations.
A babysitter is someone who cares for the kids when the parents are not at home. They are not responsible for teaching children right from wrong or how to clean their rooms. I should never view or treat my time alone with my kids as if I'm babysitting them. They are my kids and I am not their babysitter. But the "babysitter" attitude is what I hear from many men today when they reference being alone with their children. Something is wrong here and it's not just the view that husbands are babysitters, it also has to do with the way husbands love or don't love their wives with their children watching.
I heard a friend give an analogy about the way we and our society begin to accept things that are really unacceptable. He said imagine a time when all cars drove around on flat tires. As inefficient as flat tires are, if everyone drives around on flat tires long enough eventually it will start to become normal and no one will seem to think anything is wrong. Flat tires are the new norm. I think husbands who don't share the parenting responsibilities and care for the health of their wives are flat tires. Delinquent fathers are the norm. I believe the bar is set so low for husbands these days that since flat tires are the norm it's easier to hide in the crowd than it is to put some air in your tires. The bar is low because I don't believe most men believe it is their responsibility to provide an environment that contributes positively to their wives' health.
Ephesians 5 talks about how a husband and wife are to reflect the relationship of Christ and his bride, the church. The husband is supposed to love his wife like he loves his own body. He doesn't neglect his body but feeds it and cares for it just as Christ does the church. So if you neglect your wife's needs you are neglecting your own body. Which explains why the bar must be raised.
If your wives stay home or work and then come home and "work", they are going to need a break. They need to be alone, with other women, out for a cup of coffee, at the gym, on a shopping trip, or taking a nap. Maybe all of that in one day. Husbands generally seem to have more freedom to do the things they want than their wives, so we must make margin in our lives to encourage them to do this. I don't know too many husbands who disagree with this, but how many times do they leave the home without you copping an attitude about when she'll be home or showing some sort of frustration at having to watch your children by yourself for a small amount of time? In the words of Mike Golic, "Stop it".
Husbands, get over yourselves, it's not that bad, you're a dad, you signed up for this when you had kids. Be a man, grow a set, and take pleasure in that fact that you are serving your wife in a way that she'll deeply appreciate. Show your children something that their classmates may never see.
I've always said I have the easy job, I get to go to work everyday. My wife has the hard job of being with the kids all day. Even if she works outside the home, she needs time to recharge. You must give that to her, without attitude or any sign that you are unhappy or not okay with her getting away. By showing that attitude you rob her of the benefits of being able to recharge. Shame on us.
While she's out being refreshed and rejuvenated, clean up the kitchen, pick up the toys, unload and load the dishwasher, give the kids a bath, and make the house a better place than it was when she left. She's going to be more likely to accept your offer to go out or take a nap if she knows that she'll not have more work when she gets up or comes home. If you function as a flat tire she'll not enjoy being away because she knows she'll have more work when she gets home or wakes up. Make an effort because she'll appreciate it and so might you later on. :)
It is unacceptable for married men to shirk their parenting responsibilities as well as their responsibilities to their wives because it's easier to be a flat tire than a fully functional air filled tire. Watch out because your kids will see you as a flat tire and think that is normal, and if they grow up thinking flat tires are normal you can bet that when they have their own families they'll function like flat tires too. Let's raise the low bar that society has set for being husbands and fathers and show our children what it means to love our wives and what it looks like to be a real man. Demand excellence from yourselves and it will pay positive dividends that will last for generations.
The only reason I can be the mom/wife I am is because Joe is the husband he is........what a great post.
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